Yeah, I’m terrible. I’ve posted nothing because I’ve been doing nothing. And it’s been glorious. But it’s about time to drag myself out of this addicting little limbo and move on up north. I hope I haven’t driven Jeff insane yet, despite constantly telling his cats how much I hate them and will eat them (I love them and have secured future visitation rights but they’re so fucking cute it makes me angry), but it’s turning fall and New England is calling.
It’s 5:40am and I can’t sleep; the city feels familiar in a way it doesn’t during the day. It belongs to everyone during the day, in the well-dressed bustle of Georgetown and Dupont and the endless hiss and thud of the metro, but these moments in the pre-dawn it feels like mine.
My freshman year of college I still couldn’t sleep, even before my life took a turn for insanity; I used to sit outside the dorm and try to smoke cigarettes. I became friends with this kid who was always on drugs, or always said he was, and we’d watch the sky change colors. I don’t remember his name.
Shit, even before I actually started school here, at summer orientation — the only notable thing of which I remember is sitting on a dorm room floor with a dozen other awkward teenagers trading favorite porn sites — I met some kid and we wandered to Barnes & Noble in Georgetown and bought a copy of Howl, staying up all night in the courtyard reading it. I never spoke to him again. The Barnes & Noble isn’t there anymore and I don’t remember his name either.
I can’t remember — don’t want to remember — how many times I watched the sun come up over the Capitol building from the patio at Nation. The last time I was there was probably 2002 — 2003 at the absolute outside — and it still ached seeing the pictures of its destruction for the new sportsball stadium.
Never did go back to campus because I just don’t care; college was so tangential to my life in DC, except insofar as I prided myself on pushing the limits of physical and neurological endurance and still somehow managing to pass all my classes. I’d like to chalk it up to being twentyish and dumb, but as I type this on my friend’s couch at 6am, the only things of permanence I own being the laptop on one leg, the phone on my other and the bike my left foot is resting on, it’s probably fair to say that not much really has changed.